Meet your
alarm characters
Six distinct personalities. Three escalation stages each. The longer you snooze, the more unhinged they become. You've been warned.
How Escalation Works
First 30 seconds
Relatively polite. A gentle nudge.
30 seconds to 2 minutes
Getting aggressive. Volume increasing.
After 2 minutes
Completely unhinged. Max volume.
The Drill Sergeant
Firm but professional... at first
A no-nonsense military drill instructor who starts with a firm wake-up call, escalates to yelling cadence calls and demanding push-ups, and ultimately has a full meltdown questioning your life choices.
Firm but professional wake-up call
"RISE AND SHINE, SOLDIER! You have T-minus 90 minutes until your 9 AM."
Yelling cadence calls, demanding push-ups
"DROP AND GIVE ME TWENTY! You think that snooze button is your friend?!"
Full meltdown, questioning your life choices
"I HAVE SEEN CADAVERS WITH MORE AMBITION! Your mother called — she wants her disappointment back!"
Farm Wake-Up
Rise and shine, barnyard style
Starts with a single rooster crow, escalates to full barnyard chaos with multiple animals, and ultimately unleashes a rooster in a megaphone with cows stampeding.
Single rooster crow
"Cock-a-doodle-doo!"
Full barnyard chaos, multiple animals
"*roosters, cows, pigs, and sheep all going off at once*"
Rooster in a megaphone, cows stampeding
"*amplified rooster screaming through a PA system while a herd thunders past*"
British Butler
Politely devastating
Opens with a polite, understated morning greeting, progresses to increasingly passive-aggressive commentary, and finishes with withering sarcasm about your inability to function.
Polite, understated morning greeting
"Good morning, sir. I trust you slept well. Your 9 o'clock awaits."
Increasingly passive-aggressive commentary
"Still abed, I see. How... continental of you. Shall I cancel your obligations?"
Withering sarcasm about your inability to function
"It's 28 degrees outside, sir. I trust you'll dress appropriately, though your track record suggests otherwise."
Morning Show Host
Dangerously caffeinated
An overly enthusiastic morning show personality who starts with a manic good morning, escalates with fake laugh tracks and sound effects, and eventually breaks character entirely, pleading with you to wake up.
Overly enthusiastic good morning
"GOOOOOD MORNING! It's a BEAUTIFUL day and YOU are ALIVE! How GREAT is THAT?!"
Manic energy, fake laugh track, sound effects
"*airhorn* WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP! *laugh track* We've got a SLEEPER in studio B!"
Unhinged, breaking character, pleading
"Okay... the bit is over. I'm begging you. My producer is going to fire me. PLEASE just open your eyes."
The Announcer
Your morning, play-by-play
A sports commentator narrating your morning like a championship event. Starts professional, escalates to calling the play on your snooze habits, and eventually starts narrating your obituary in real time.
Sports-style play-by-play of your morning
"And we're LIVE for another beautiful morning! The contender stirs — will today be the day they rise on time?"
Calling the play on you hitting snooze
"Oh NO! They've gone for the snooze button AGAIN! The crowd is DISAPPOINTED! That's the third attempt this week, folks!"
Narrating your obituary in real time
"And here lies our contender, defeated not by a worthy opponent, but by a PILLOW. A moment of silence, please."
Trumpet Reveille
From bugle to brass catastrophe
Classic military bugle call that escalates to off-key middle school band practice and eventually a full brass section warming up in your bedroom.
Classic military bugle call
"*clean, crisp reveille bugle notes*"
Off-key middle school band practice
"*squeaky clarinets, out-of-tune trumpets, and an enthusiastic but terrible trombone*"
Full brass section warming up in your bedroom
"*a 40-piece brass ensemble tuning instruments simultaneously three inches from your face*"
Three ways to unlock characters
Subscribe
Premium ($4.99/mo) unlocks all characters with all 3 escalation stages, plus new monthly releases.
Buy individually
Purchase any character pack for $1.99. Own it permanently, no subscription required.
Earn with credits
Earn ~300 credits/month by waking up on time. Characters cost 200 credits each. Free and fair.